dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize