i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like iHOP with fire
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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