please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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