Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize