So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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