And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Randomize