Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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