I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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