So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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