I met the friendliest cop last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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