Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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