Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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