She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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