based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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