I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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