The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize