clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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