i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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