should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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