Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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