I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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