He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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