dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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