Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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