I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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