I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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