can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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