I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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