do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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