He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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