Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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