But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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