Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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