He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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