I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize