You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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