Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize