i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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