im six kinds of drunk right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm having to shit out rocks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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