Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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