i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize