Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize