drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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