We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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