So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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