It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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