What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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