you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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