Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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