I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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